Steps to Redefining Stereotypes About Teens One Teen at a Time
Image “Clone Freaks” by Dylan and Cindi Luder
Guest post by Cheryl Nordyke - Based on the real life experiment called: My Daughter
There are certain stereotypes in our society. These are learned ways of thinking that we continue to repeat. The first step is to realize that no group of individuals or person for that matter deserves to be prejudged. The next step is to do what we can to change those stereotypes. The one I am speaking about today is in regards to teenagers. Long before my daughter was a teenager I had people making comments such as, “Wait until she is a teenager,” or “Oh you have a daughter. You guys are going to go at it when she’s a teen. Teens are just inconsiderate.”
These are just some of the comments I heard from individuals, some of which had already experienced the teen years with their own kids. Others were speaking from interactions with teens and some had nothing other than how society classified teens to go by.
I made a decision when my daughter was little to begin her training towards becoming teen. Not the stereotypical teen, but instead, a respectful and productive teen.
The first thing I did was to recognize while something may be cute at ages 2 or 4 would I consider it cute at 14 or 16? If not, don’t allow it. I realized that in order to train an athlete you need to begin with proper form and technique. The same holds true for our children. If we allow them to talk back and find it funny when they are little, then expectations have been set for when they are older.
The next thing I did was to use mentors. As an athlete is trained to study other athletes, they learn what is right and what is wrong from these studies. As a parent I did the same. I talked to my daughter when we would see a teenager hold the door. I would explain that is how you want to be when you grow up; those are the types of friends you want. When we would see a teenager being rude or disrespectful, we would talk about why that isn’t right and how to handle that type of situation.
Then I set the bar of expectations. An athlete is held to a certain standard of not only the skill they put into the sport, but also their curfew, following the rules, and maintaining their grades. I did the same for my daughter. At each level of progression toward more independence she was introduced to higher expectations. As adults we are expected to abide by the laws and rules that govern our society, from obeying the rules of the road, to the government regulations on taxes to our boss’s guidelines as an employee. The more we go up the ladder, the higher our own expectations are within society. Therefore, I set the same standards for her. If you are using the car, drive safely, let me know when you arrive, be on time.
The final step was to lead by example. As an athlete trains and grows to a level of being the best, they are being watched and society expects them to lead by example. While in our society many may fall short, there are many that have done an incredible job at this. As a parent it is important that we lead by example. We will fail from time to time and it is very important when that happens that we acknowledge our failure and discuss how we could have handled that situation differently. Our children will learn from these two very important things. First that it is okay to make a mistake and that it is okay to step up and be accountable for that mistake. Next they will learn that each mistake holds a lesson, something to be learned.
I have had parents tell me that high school drama and being rude and inconsiderate is just the way teens are. They need to just be allowed to be the way they are, this is all a part of their coping mechanisms. These parents believe that we just let them deal with it. I disagree. If given the opportunity, I have learned teens are willing to learn how to communicate without being ugly towards one another. We as parents and a society have an opportunity to teach teenagers these lessons as young adults. We can teach them how to interact and communicate in a way that is beneficial to themselves and to society.
I am thankful that my study over the last 17 and half years has proven to be successful and I have a very respectful and considerate teenager. She is not my best friend, but my daughter, and understands the purpose of my rules even if she doesn’t always agree with them.
In summary, society is constantly looking to improve technology, performance and the environment. The one thing we are missing is our youth. George Bernard Shaw said “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” When society realizes the impact changing our youth will have on society in the long run then and only then will we break the stereotype.
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Cheryl Nordyke and Kim Wierman are the founders of Waves of Gratitude - a company that exists because of their belief that when life presents you with professional and personal difficulties, a strong foundation of gratitude can help turn those difficulties into opportunities. The owner’s resolve to build a future based on a foundation of gratitude is unwavering. The pair created an online store to give everyone the opportunity to “wear” powerful symbols of gratitude, jewelry and apparel made to personalize the concepts of hope, love, legacy, creativity, optimism, inspiration, confidence and awakening that make everyone beautiful inside and out.
