Gifts Of Gratitude
Guest post by Vania Tashjian Frank, author of MyHappimess, a conscious living blog dedicated to learning how to use discomfort (fear, frustration, anxiety, anger, etc.) to grow and create joy. To learn more about how a conscious life = a happy life, visit myhappimess.com.
Soul Food
A few months ago, I hit a wall with my business and in my life. I wasn’t doing as well as I’d hoped, as well as I knew I was capable of doing. I had too many not-so-helpful patterns (e.g., habits, core beliefs, etc.) getting in my own way of thriving, not just surviving, in life. To change my life and unleash the real potential in me, I knew I had to change my (less than grateful) attitude and my behavior.
At the root of my recent life change is gratitude mixed with intention. I was hungry for change. I wanted and still want to cultivate a happy, joyful life. I want to be thankful for everything in and around my life. I want to raise my awareness of my everyday delights, not just frustrations. I want to notice the typical and the extraordinary moments that make up each day.
I’ve never been a gratitude skeptic, but I wasn’t exactly an embracer of it either. In the past, it’s felt too lofty, too unattainable. I didn’t really understand how to go from curmudgeon to Buddha. I’m not a Porsche; I don’t go from 0 to 60 in 30 seconds.
There’s quite a bit of research around the impact of gratitude and how it boosts happiness, but that still wasn’t enough to convince me to develop gratitude-evoking habits in the past. Coincidentally (or not), I came across Thankfulfor when I was truly ready to embrace its power and, most importantly, the practice of gratitude about a month ago. While my mind always “got it,” my heart, too, was now on board. Because of Thankfulfor, I can’t think of what not to be Thankfulfor.
Power Of Practice
Let’s be real, life is chaotic. So, the practice of gratitude can be one more to-do we have to cross off our daily checklist, one more reminder of how we fall short. Umm, no thanks. I have, like, plenty of stuff I can feel badly about and don’t need any help in that category.
But, it’s the practice of gratitude that unleashes the true power of it. This is where you get the biggest bang for your buck or, in this case, your time. The actual act of choosing to focus on what’s going well changes your mindset. It does exactly that. It helps you focus on what’s going well.
This is what Thankfulfor has done for me. It gave me the gift of developing my own gratitude practice. I’ve done my own version of a gratitude challenge and have had almost immediate results. The ritual of announcing to myself and others all that I have to be grateful for has given me a sense of optimism, trust and presence.
Optimism.
Wow, did I need an attitude adjustment sumthin’ fierce. I’d been feeling pretty down on what I wasn’t getting done everyday. But in this past month, my brain instantly switched from seeing the glass half empty to half full. Instantly. I began to notice and focus on my productivity, my accomplishments and my successes….what I’m truly capable of.
Just for kicks, I occasionally ask myself what I feel bothered by. I’m actually at a loss when I do this. I have to actively think about it and sometimes still have trouble coming up with an answer. I now have a mental block against my pet peeves, which are typically front and center. I now feel more connected to myself and tapped into the inspiration within and around me. I feel energized instead of empty. I feel happy and hopeful.
Trust.
The anxiety I often feel with the small stuff has decreased tremendously. I may have a moment of worry, but I now briefly think about it rather than park myself in it. Not only do I feel less anxious, but I also feel more trusting. Since I’m rewiring my attitude to see the glass half full, I’m rewriting my history by storing what’s working well in my memory bank.
Just last week we were headed to my uncle’s for Thanksgiving dinner. I’m Armenian, so that’s pretty much all we speak at family gatherings. These events can be stressful for my husband, who doesn’t understand a word. I had a moment of concern, but also thought about all the reasons why dinner could go really well - how he and my uncle would probably get along well, how my cousins’ kids always add so much cheer, etc. I felt grateful for my husband for being there with me and grateful for my family for welcoming him. Dinner didn’t only go well, it went great.
Presence.
I typically enter the holidays with a mantra of “Brace yourself. Hold your breath. It’ll all be over soon enough.” Great attitude if you want to actually relax and enjoy the time with your friends and family. Instead of a slow down, I do a dread down. I usually feel oppressed (a tad dramatic, I know) by the gatherings, the shopping, the parties, etc.
Thanks to a wonderful start to my holidays with last week’s Thanksgiving dinner, I’m genuinely looking forward to the remaining two. Gratitude is helping me enjoy each moment. I no longer want to rush through it; I want to savor it. I want to connect with friends and family, give to those around me and celebrate.
Final Take
Thanks to the beginning of my gratitude practice on Thankfulfor, I began seeing the magic in my life again. Whether these experiences were already happening, I’m grateful that I can now see them with clarity, wonder and appreciation.
So if, and only if, you’re truly ready to welcome gratitude’s powerful influence, will it serve as a constant reminder of what you’re doing plenty of and what’s going right for you. You too will hopefully feel a heightened sense of optimism, trust and presence. You’ll be dancing with life, aware of how much you have and how rich you feel…in love and in character.
Your Relationship To Gratitude
Gratitude doesn’t have to be this lofty or painstaking goal. Regardless of your relationship to gratitude and your belief in it, you can slowly move toward building your own gratitude practice too.
Novice
Maybe you just came across the idea of gratitude. It all feels a bit new to you, but you’ve been hearing this word around town quite a bit lately. I hope this will serve as more research or evidence to help you determine whether it’s the right path for you.
Intermediate
You’re more familiar with gratitude and you’ve even tried jotting a few things you’re feeling thankful for. You know about its benefits, and maybe experienced a few, but haven’t developed a consistent practice just yet.
Advanced
You’re an expert in gratitude and can help teach the rest of us a few things. You wholeheartedly embrace the power of it and have well-developed rituals that often leave you feeling in awe of what life has to offer.
We’re all on this planet to live the life that is right for each of us. Think about your relationship to gratitude and take the first step that’s right for you. It’s supposed to add to your life, not make it harder. It’s supposed to bring you joy, not deplete you. So do what you can, what you want to do, what you’re willing to do for you.
Practicing Gratitude
Here are a few scenarios and questions to get your feet wet…
What or who are you feeling down about lately?
Think about one thing about this thing or person that you do appreciate.
How do you feel?
What do you want more of that you’re not getting (e.g., affection, understanding, appreciation, etc.)?
Try giving it to the person you most desire it from.
How do you feel?
How are you feeling in this moment?
Is there one thing that you feel thankful for?
Sit with it and cherish it for a moment.
